I miss our house. When we moved into our first house together that night you promised me an ever better one. You went off about all the details and rooms till you were too tired to talk. Always keeping your promises I found you getting ahead of yourself and working on it the next morning. You had big bright ideas but never planned, we both werent the brightest but we made things work even if we did take the easy ways out. We discussed how big it really needed to be and your excuse for the size was how you needed a big space for parties with the "bitches" and "motherfuckers", in which I had to agree that you were right. Parties were never a big thing for me but you had this energy that kept the room alive, it was chaotic yet friendly. Everyone around you adored you and your presence, but none of them could match my feelings for you.
You always acted tough, like nothing could phase you but Ill never forget those moments where you got too embarrassed to look at me; like those times you forgot I was deaf and warned me about something being too loud, and that time where I told you I wanted my first piercing to be somewhere private, in a place only you could see. Our first tattoo was the same design, not because it was a couples thing but because we both had our hopes of being knights. How old were we when we had those inked? 1950, maybe. We had many more after that, ones matching, ones that held meaning to ourselves that the other couldnt understand, and the ones we got during drunk nights and impulse highs. I remember that night you were confident enough to use your own tattooing skills on me. We wrote our names on the others ring fingers ; you promised me even if we might not be together forever you would always be there for me but. You were always the type to be paranoid and cautious but even then we both knew we would in fact be together till the end of time. Thats one of the many things I love about you, you weren't impulsive you just knew what you want and knew no one should stop you from having it. You also were not like most, not everything had to have sentimental value you did things for your enjoyment and it made me realizes how fun living could be.
Your prized possessions were your motorcycle and guitar. I could never hear but just seeing how happy you were to play that guitar was enough for me. I remember after all those years I could finally hear you and how excited you were when I asked you to play something for me. After that day you serenaded me whenever you could and even worked on building me my own guitar. You worked so hard on it and a magnificent build it was, I loved it but what I loved even more was you teaching me your favorite songs, sharing with me what made you happy. And your bike, you always made sure nothing was wrong with it even then you were eagar to fix, you did always have a joy for fixing machines. I remember seeing you polishing it up the day before our first date and how surprised you were when I asked you to show me how fast it goes. At first you never did think of me as the type to enjoy the adrenaline rushing things you did ; you did learn we loved to do the same things but we had a different energy to ourselves.
Before we were aware the gods were corrupt we were knights. You were the ones to build both of our weapons, a work of art they were. You were hopeful your multiple abilities would grant you a high spot and respect but that wasnt the case. The gods looked down on you, they saw your gift and thought it as a curse. They were as blind as I was deaf, they couldnt see your skill all they could see was there greed and jealousy. We served for 100 years, thats nothing compared to other knights. After resigning not only did you steal the armour because to you it was, as you described, "sexy" but you stole some of the most helpful books to me. They were the books that taught me everything I know and continue to learn about magic. Another broken rule but at this point the rules of gods mean nothing to me. You told me you never did use your ability to see all but you did that night, you must have saw something. You know more than ever you know how things will work out in the end and I'd wish you would tell me.... but maybe its for the best you dont. You were always so paranoid and careful not that you could help it. You thought yourself as weak minded but you were so strong, stronger in mind than I. Your mental illness was a tough one but you didnt let it get in the way of anything.
The accident was the hardest on us both, its still even hard to talk about. I dont deal with my emotions well I tend to not deal with them at all but, the accident. In showed me every emotion I repressed since I was younger, years of trauma and sorrow were poured onto me, not only that but my identity was nothing to me and seeing you so hurt and not yourself broke my heart. Everything I thought i stood for was wrong, the gods were wrong, the ones I thought helped us were corrupt and not beyond hurting us. It was enough to change my way of thinking. You promised me and gave me so much and I promised you the gods would not get away from this. You dont like talking much about your mental state in that time and for your wishes and respect I wont but, you worry me Valerius. It is hard for you to open up but I wish you did more, I want to help you as much as I can.
